oh god the rape fog is back!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Randomize
