i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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