He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
