I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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