well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
