I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
