Sry I called you an 8
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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