Hey man sorry I got all grabby
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize