the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's shark week go big or go home
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
