Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
4 words: hood of his car
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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