My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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