the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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