I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
