so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize