New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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