it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
