sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
