What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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