There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
