he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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