No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
