why didn't you poke me back
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize