If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
