if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
