i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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