All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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