after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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