My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
