So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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