u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
