I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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