do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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