john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
