i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
