I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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