Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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