the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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