Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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