you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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