my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
