We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
