He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
