have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
