the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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