y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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