tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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