he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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