Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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