A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
