he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
