Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
