I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
