This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
