"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
