oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
