Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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