Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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