i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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