also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Randomize
