I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
