If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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