got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
