Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
