Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
