I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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