What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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